Changing attitudes, changing life

Most of the time our attitudes are a direct response from our past experiences.  Some of these experiences are direct some are indirect.

For instance, lots of step- fathers rape their step-daughters or, conversely, a lot of step fathers don’t like their step- sons and, a lot of step- mothers  don’t like step- daughters.  It is a befuddling situation, if you ask me. Confusing,

is it not?

Unfortunately  today’s marriages don’t last that long.  Deaths, divorces, forced separations force marriages into decay and spouses then find new partners. This is when step-fathers and step-mothers come to the fore to the dismay of off-springs. Then life is turned topsy-turvy and then step- fathers and step- mothers take over.

As young person of today what are you going to do about the situation should it occur in your life? When your mom gets involved with another man or your dad with another woman what will be your reaction? Some of the people feel jealous, angry, and uncomfortable.

As a life skill facilitator I hear sob stories every now and then. Recently a girl of 20 shared her story with me.

She stays with step mother and her granny. She sleeps in her granny’s bedroom after moving out of her father’s main house.  The reason is that her step -mother despises her, she claims. Furthermore, she feels she is not welcomed into the main house, her step mother does not greet her and the step mother is a bad person.

I asked her a few questions. What do you do in the house as young girl? For example, do you do house chores?  She said nothing. I asked, do you greet your step mother? She said no. I then asked her, why are you telling me this story? I am looking for advice, she said. And this was my advice to her:  you have to behave like a daughter of your father and your step-mother, you must clean the floor, sweep the yard and when your step mother is doing something that you think you can help her with then you must avail yourself to help like you will do to your biological mom. I then implored her to try this for two weeks and then report back to me how it’s going. Guess what, after those two weeks there was a positive response from her step- mother.

Sometimes we blame others about bad situations while the cause to all the trouble is our own attitude. So if we were to do a little introspection before howling from the hilltop and apply changes where applicable to alter our attitude then we can enjoy life and make the world a better place.

 We must understand that our behaviour comes from the attitude we have. Because some children have experience bad things with their step-mothers and step-fathers it does not mean that all people are like that; we must learn to give others a chance to prove themselves.

Written by Trevor Lubisi (pictured)
He is a life skill trainer at the John Wesley 
Community Centre in Etwatwa, Benoni.